JUSTBRODY

i'm sorry for not being myself. i haven't been for a while.. i know that, that is no excuse. but having some people in my life that truly don't understand me for who i am, really takes it's toll and it hurts more than anything. i know that it sounds like i'm putting the blame on everything but myself but i really am blaming myself, as i should have done ages ago. and for the first time the motto i've stuck to "never a failure, always a lesson" isn't working, i literally feel like a failure, because i've let some of the best people in my life drift away and leave, and this isn't this first time, and did i learn from that, well i thought i had but obviously not. and now i'm nothing. i don't no who i am with out those people. i guess the saying "you never know what you had till its gone" really is true but i guess it's to late for that. the sickness in my heart and the throbbing of my heart hurts more and more every second and i don't think the keys on my laptop can handle much more, i just feel like curling up into a ball and forgetting everything, but sleep isn't even a option. this may all seem like me having a little cry cry, but this is what has been in me and has been dying to get it, but i haven't known how to.. all i know for certain is i love you. and i will never forgive myself for letting you guys go.

i just wana be okay, today. i need some sort of meaning.